Yesterday, i played the Frozen Throne game at i.com. It was my very first time play that game until very mad. Hahax! Well.. I do have lots of fun playing with my friends Paul, Ming Han, and Chin Lun. Actually i should say i joined in the fun lah. Heex! Hmm.. Other than playing..? I felt relaxing lah.. And it also helped me release alittle bit of my stress as well.. What can i say? I just enjoyed! Lol..

Recently i felt weird of myself, dunno why also, will feel irritated easily. Especially my those friends as usual. But not sure whether isit i'm being attitude towards them, or dun have the time to listen to what they want to tell me or chat. Thinking.. I've got nothing to talk about? Nothing wanna tell them? No mood to listen to what they're trying to tell me? I admit sometimes i'll suddenly being rude to some people. Being emotional. But usually if i've nothing to say, i will keep quiet. So, towards them, i'd only feel like keep quiet. But sometimes, i'm not. I'll talk non-stop infront of them, entertain everyone around me. I do also need peacefulness. So, to me, it's really hard to explain. So, if anyone happens to ask me any questions, i might not be able to answer you. It's better not to ask me anything except my school work and those important stuff to me.

Sometimes on my msn, i saw some unknown people happened to add me to their msn. I only add my friends to my msn list, but dunno how should i reject them in a nice way? Still thinking.. Each time happens to be like this, just have no idea what to do. I just feel something irritates me cause of this matter. Just dun like it at all. Not even outgoing also. I like natural things. Even situations i dun like to force myself to know other people when you dun even know them at all. When this happens, i always have these questions appeared in my mind. Thinking.. Are they because of wanted to know more friends? Or their those outgoing people who's willing to know others when they dun even know them at all? Or are they so called friendly people? Am i being friendly to others? I myself also cannot judge. Only people can see your mistakes. I cannot see my mistakes. I'm just not used to it that's all.

Something trying to lead me.

Last night i dream something trying lead me how to handle my work. Not which one i should do first, but it's just only want to tell me how to handle my work. So, when i'm awaken, i feel better already. Thanks to my dream. And slept well also. =D

What am i thinking?

I've being asking myself the past few days, do i prefer to gather around with my friends or gangs in my free time? People who always stay with each other who's being called gangs, but are we just friends only? I have friends who think i'm that kind would entertain them, to have more fun. Thinking.. I dun feel close to them. Not feeling alone also. It's just that i prefered like my classmate Hazwani, she just a very carefree girl and dun talk much. I'd prefer that life. My life changes once again after that incident happened.. I just dunno how i feel now. Am i just feeling kong xu? Or? I've no idea at all.

How should i make decisions?

Actually i find it very difficult to maintain that keep going feeling. It's very tiring sometimes without anyone support me to keep going. But i always try my best to maintain this feeling. I wanna keep going and think positively. Sometimes dunno how should i express my emotion to others. When comes to mind work, i'm lost already. Just can't go on any further. Something blocks my way from doing my work. I just can't figure out what is it. Feel like giving up also. Just many things in my mind. Wanna decorate the notice board, study, and alot more. I dun feel any emotion now, but only knows that i take my time. Keep thinking i cannot delay any other stuff anymore. So, what can i do? Somemore i got project to do. Stress? I dun feel any. Just dunno what am i waiting for that's all. I know, do the most important things first. I just can't make decisions at all. I still remember in sec sch when i study Elements of Office Administration, did a assignment on how do you handle your work? Wah biang, know what? I only get 2-3 correct answers you know? Very bad. I'm aware that i will handle things one day. And now, it comes to my life already. What should i do? I cannot be independent now. I still can't. I realised my brain is getting slower than ever. May stuck anywhere anytime. It means by chi dun. If mao dun, maybe not as bad as chi dun bah. Now i'm not feeling well..

How i felt was..

Afew months ago, i felt of losing myself. Lost my way, dun even know what i want and what i'm doing. Just felt confusing, dunno how should i face others especially my friends.. I dun feel like going anywhere, dun feel like staying with my friends, dun feel like talking and feel like avoiding everybody also. Dun feel any emotion at all. Very bad. Just dunno what to do. I keep struggling and keep thinking a long time. After some time, i try to feel. Started to feel there's something which my heart is trying to tell me that i got to listen. After that, the first question that comes to my mind was, what do i want? The first ans that comes to my mind, i want to do something that is comfortable for myself which dun wanna do something which i dun like. So, more and more ans comes to my mind. And so, i found myself back now. I would like to advise and encourage my friends that. If you're now having a bad time because of this losing yourself, no worries. Actually there's really nothing to worry about. Cause, you should take step by step to find yourself back. Dun be afraid of losing yourself also, because i believe you would find yourself back again one day. It takes some time. You only lost your way. So, you should start to listen to what your heart is trying to tell you. Think it calmly. Everything is going to be fine. Do things in a comfortable way for yourself. Never force yourself to do something which you dun like and not used to it.